I need to let this out. It's a Monday and I'm not supposed to feel this.
Before I start working, before I call and email my customers, before I read all incidents, I should let this out.

The weather yesterday made me feel insane. Loneliness creeps in. I missed my friends. I miss my old simple life.
I cried. Drank milk. Had a hot bath. Changed mattress. Listen to feel good music. Sleep.

Then I woke up feeling the same thing. Lonely. I thought maybe I just need to release you-know-what. So I did. But doing it just helped for a little while. I woke up feeling the same thing. Restless, BV, Lonely.

I miss my old life. I miss my simple life. And I am missing something in my life.

Everyone knows what it is, and so I am praying for it to come.

So help me God.

I've been reading all books.
I've been watching all movies.

I've been waiting for you since then.

I miss you.

I miss you. though I haven't met you yet.

Come now. And take me to your world.

I miss you. And God knows how I wanted you.

I've been praying. And patiently waiting.

When can I see you?
When can you take me to your arms?

Come home. Come now. You're very welcome.

I realized I have the same issue with my last 2 blogs. Yes, I need a boy friend.
I'll be on leave Friday. Yes, I need a boyfriend.
I want to go to tagaytay this weekend and no one's available, so yes, I need a boyfriend.

But then I realized: If I have a boy friend, can I stay at the office until lunch to finish my work? Can I go to Antipolo on weekends until I'm dead drunk? Can I sleep 10 hours and more? Can I act carelessly?

No. I've had my 22 years of single-hood. And I want something different. Vinz is praying for me, I hope I can pray for myself too.

Lately, I've been reading His words, looking for the perfect verses that describes my life and how to deal with it.

So help me God.

3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th Wheel.

I met Pam today, Ebert's back. He'll stay for 2 weeks with us, well, yeah, us before he leave for Afghan.
Then came Kate and Jerome, and then Dyanne and Li.

I knew it. I will be the 7th wheel, since Sani's not around.

I was happy. I never felt I am out of place.

After two hours of talks, and laughs, and reminiscing good times, we have to go home.

That's when it hit me: I am the only single in the group. They were walking hand in hand, in pairs.
I am walking alone. They rode the taxi by twos, I rode the cab alone.

Then I realized: NO MATTER HOW CLOSE YOU MAY BE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, AS LONG AS THEY ARE WITH THEIR PARTNERS, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE OUT OF PLACE.
FREAKIN OUT OF PLACE.

I told my friend earlier that I'm blogging secretly. She said, "Halata nga. "
I said there are just things that I can't explain and if ever I'll try, mapapagod lang ako, and masasawa lang sila.
Yes, I've been bored and down lately.
Bored and down since summer is over and I don't have plans to look forward to ng weekends. I spend my last weekend doing NOTHING. Plants vs Zombies. Watched TV. Eat. Sleep and then repeat everything.
I wanted to watch SATC2. But no one is freakin available to watch with me. I wanted to drink. But no one wants to drink with me.
i texted Pam, no reply. I texted Vinz, no reply.
This are just one of the days that makes me wish I was with someone who can be with me.

And yes, at this moment, I'm longing to be with someone.

I finally admitted it - I need a boyfriend. Period.

Tell me how to be okay?

When everyone else are receiving their fruits of labor, am I the only one who's not being recognized?

Come on.

Is summer really over?

After Cebu, Bohol, Bulacan, Batangas, Tagaytay, Boracay and Puerto Galera.. I just realized my summer is over.
I think it ended already, for me.

This weekend, I prepare myself for something productive, really productive - doing nothing.

So what? when? where?