3 things:

1. This bitch really irritates me.
She said nasty things about me and my friends. She pretends she's the best. She's a freakin liar.

2. I think I'm having this Quarter-life Crisis or so they say.
Ive been lonely. Cried about it. Get drunk about it. And said something about it.

3. John Mayer's song keeps on playing in my head.
My dear we're slow dancing in the burning room.

How to be alone,

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were you were not okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find its fine to be alone once you’re embracing it. We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books, your not suppose to talk much anyway so its safe there. There is also the gym, if your shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in. There’s public transportation, we all gotta go places. And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation. Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on avoid being principles. The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouse work across town, and they, like you, will be alone. Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone. When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out to dinner to a restaurant with linen and silver wear. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were. Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst fleeting community. And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no ones watching because they are probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely move to beats, after-all, is gorgeous and affecting. Dance till you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings. Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile no one is dating them. But lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it. You can stand swaffed by groups and mobs and hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company. But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cause if you’re happy in your head, and solitude is blessed, and alone is okay., Its okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses can’t think like you, this me/ be ?, keeps things interesting, lifes magic things ?, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, the community is not present, just take back to you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take silence and respect it, if you have an art that needs practice stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it. You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it, if your heart is bleeding, make the best of it, there is heat and freezing be a testimate.

~ Tanya Davis

I need to let his out. I am disturbed with a lot of things.

1. Watching Grey's Anatomy makes me feel like I'm part of the story. Well, If you've been watching the series since episode 1, then you'll probably feel the same. The story is really intense. And my heart breaks every time I watch it.
I tried to divert my attention to other things. I tried watching another movie - Love Happens with Jen Aniston. Guess what? Location of the movie: Seattle, WA : Grey's location as well.
I'll try to watch another movie later, hopefully, something positive and unrelated to the the series. I just can't take another look at Seattle. And Grey's.

2. Their breakup. after less than a month of being in an official relationship, She told me they broke up. 3rd party. But thinking about the story, sobrang babaw. They've been having this thing for 2 years, and they broke up for a very babaw story: a girl from Quezon that he only met once.
I am affected because I want them to be happy. So I can finally be happy. And have a straight thinking that our story had ended.

3. Pen and their break up and how was she right now and how she is trying to move on.
She is my favorite dorm mate and i consider her my little sister. I hope she can recover.

4. Mom. In days, She will be admitted to the hospital. I know this is just a minor thing, but I am still scared. I hope everything will be okay. Physically, financially and everything.

After this blog, I know I will be okay. After I have threw up everything I am feeling. I hope I can work without any side distractions.

I hope.

I need to let this out. It's a Monday and I'm not supposed to feel this.
Before I start working, before I call and email my customers, before I read all incidents, I should let this out.

The weather yesterday made me feel insane. Loneliness creeps in. I missed my friends. I miss my old simple life.
I cried. Drank milk. Had a hot bath. Changed mattress. Listen to feel good music. Sleep.

Then I woke up feeling the same thing. Lonely. I thought maybe I just need to release you-know-what. So I did. But doing it just helped for a little while. I woke up feeling the same thing. Restless, BV, Lonely.

I miss my old life. I miss my simple life. And I am missing something in my life.

Everyone knows what it is, and so I am praying for it to come.

So help me God.

I've been reading all books.
I've been watching all movies.

I've been waiting for you since then.

I miss you.

I miss you. though I haven't met you yet.

Come now. And take me to your world.

I miss you. And God knows how I wanted you.

I've been praying. And patiently waiting.

When can I see you?
When can you take me to your arms?

Come home. Come now. You're very welcome.

I realized I have the same issue with my last 2 blogs. Yes, I need a boy friend.
I'll be on leave Friday. Yes, I need a boyfriend.
I want to go to tagaytay this weekend and no one's available, so yes, I need a boyfriend.

But then I realized: If I have a boy friend, can I stay at the office until lunch to finish my work? Can I go to Antipolo on weekends until I'm dead drunk? Can I sleep 10 hours and more? Can I act carelessly?

No. I've had my 22 years of single-hood. And I want something different. Vinz is praying for me, I hope I can pray for myself too.

Lately, I've been reading His words, looking for the perfect verses that describes my life and how to deal with it.

So help me God.

3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th Wheel.

I met Pam today, Ebert's back. He'll stay for 2 weeks with us, well, yeah, us before he leave for Afghan.
Then came Kate and Jerome, and then Dyanne and Li.

I knew it. I will be the 7th wheel, since Sani's not around.

I was happy. I never felt I am out of place.

After two hours of talks, and laughs, and reminiscing good times, we have to go home.

That's when it hit me: I am the only single in the group. They were walking hand in hand, in pairs.
I am walking alone. They rode the taxi by twos, I rode the cab alone.

Then I realized: NO MATTER HOW CLOSE YOU MAY BE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, AS LONG AS THEY ARE WITH THEIR PARTNERS, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE OUT OF PLACE.
FREAKIN OUT OF PLACE.